I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
