we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
