I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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