By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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