And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
