he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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