i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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