Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
