Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
