I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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