dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
