If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
