i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
