Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
