We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
