you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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