i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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