I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My friends, they love my intelligence
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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