My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
