I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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