oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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