WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
