i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
