Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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