We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
