Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
