Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
