I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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