Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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