shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
...so i touched it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
