gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
