I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
