You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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