Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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