It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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