Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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