i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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