how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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