i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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