Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
