I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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