The maid of honor just puked.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
