Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
