haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just google imaged poop.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
