Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
