Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
