Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
