Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
