Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
