so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
