You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
