The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
