Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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