This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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