I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
