You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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