I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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