Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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